skip to main |
skip to sidebar
OK, I know, I know. I'm really behind in my blogging. Believe it or not, it's not because I'm doing nothing, it's because I'm doing SOMETHING! God has gotten a hold of me like nobody's business and I have truly been meditating on it, contemplating it and down-right reveling in it!!! Let me explain where I think the epiphany began.
It was close to Justin's birthday. Always a sad time for me. I seem to stop any hint of forward progress and regress around his birthday, the anniversary of his departure and holidays. I was lying in bed - more like hunkered down with the covers over my head whining about 'my lot in life' when I heard God speak into my spirit, "Do you really think your plan for his life was better than mine?"
I couldn't move and I knew it was God because my spirit seemed to immediately answer for me - a resounding "YES!" But I - the spiritual Sherrie - knew better. I knew that was the wrong answer. I had to come up with something pious and spiritual. Funny thing about your spirit though - it's woefully HONEST. :) So while my woman was attempting to cover over, my spirit sat smugly forcing me to agree - "Yes, Lord. I think my way would have been better."
Ladies, it was a mind-blowing, life-changing moment. I can't say lightening flashed but a light did come on in my spirit. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew how wrong I had been. How faulty my thinking was. How shallow my dreams for Justin's life and my family's life had been. The audacity of ME! To think I knew better based on what I was 'feeling.'
And what has happened since then has been nothing short of amazing. I have moved from the valley of the shadows into the Kingdom of God. The only shadow I see is His over me! It is miraculous. It is mind-blowing.
You see, the truth of the matter is - I think it took more power to heal my heart and soul than it did for God to raise Justin from the dead! We are so busy looking for the physical "fix" that we don't recognize the spiritual one.
I guess the true test will be the rapidly approaching holidays and one empty stocking. But grief with hope is life-enabling and grief without hope is death to the soul.
Take that word from God to me and allow it to plant a seed in your heart. Whatever you are stewing over right now. Whatever has been allowed to steal your peace or your joy. "Do you really think your plan is better than His for your life?" It begins with honesty and ends with a choice to move from the darkness to the light. It is a conscious decision that will need re-affirming until it becomes habit.
One days these eyes of faith will have sight. Until that day I am seeking Him for all I'm worth. I'm choosing Him - above all else. Just like a little child - my hand is clutched tightly in the hand that will not let me go. He is my all in all.
In my mind's eye I can already envision the day Justin and I will dance like two-years olds down streets of gold to the laughter of One who rescued us from the fall and redeemed us to His glory. Until He calls me, I will faithfully serve Him on this earth - to the praise of His glory. I can almost hear them in unison right now saying, "Bout time, sister. Live!"
My little sister just got accepted into nursing school!!! I am so very proud of her. For starters - she had to go back to college after a L O N G hiatus and she has maintained a 4.0 GPA. She's also had a grandbaby during that time, helped to care for our dad and mother, grieved their losses, went through a major relocation, held down a full time job plus worked diligently for her church and she is 51!!! Did I mention they only accepted 50 students?
Tina is the middle child of our family. She will tell you it was a hard spot to be in. I kinda think it made her who she is today. Anyway.....she will be an awesome nurse. She's old enough to know what she wants and she's been around the block enough to know how to treat people and to empathize with their hurts. She's young enough - in all the ways that matter - to contribute a lot to the medical community. I can't wait to see where God places her. I dread to hear her tell me how "long" I've been out of nursing and how "behind" the times I am. One of the trials I will have to bear over the next two years. :)
So here's to my sister!! Way to go DD! We are so proud of you. We knew you could do it. You are a marvel.
In the fall of 1981 we added our third child in less than four years to the Kulwicki family! It marked the beginning of the craziness that was to be our life for many, many years. We were seriously outnumbered! I know it was only 3 to 2 but they were so full of energy and we were so sleep-deprived that it felt like there were 10 of them! Seriously, life revolved around formula, diapers, food, snacks, naps, laundry, dishes and baths for years. About the time they learned to sleep we began SPORTS and we just exchanged one set of time-consuming, mind-numbing activity for another. We were busy, busy, busy!
I don't think I ever took a bath without an interruption for at least 10 years. Pretty sure I never got to go to the bathroom without a question being thrown my way, a door being opened or a fight breaking out! Life was never boring. They were loud, stinky, constantly in motion, always picking on each other, loved to fight and were highly competitive. Nothing was sacred in their quest for superiority one over another - be it a job, a car, a girl - noxious eruptions, belches or the size of any anatomical part, their prowess on the football field, soccer field or academia. It didn't matter - they were ruthless. Dinnertime was the stage and they were "on." We laughed our heads off at their stories and refereed when competition turned personal.
Here are just a few of their more notable quips:
On the sizing of the proverbial "cup" during baseball season: "You'll need a Dixie cup. I'll need a route 44."
On missing their mother during the college years: "We'd miss you if you'd ever leave!"
On the required physical for sports: "I'm giving him (the dr.) 5 seconds then I'm coming up swinging."
On our frequent moves: "I picked up Kitty (our cat of 21 years) and she said, "Oh, we're moving again?"'
Those are the printable ones. They are witty. They are full of themselves. They are so bad.
We've since added two darling girls to our family and I'm sure they have been a little overwhelmed when we have family dinner. To their credit, they have held their own in a family that has few social graces. They have even been known to throw a few punches themselves.
I love watching the girls with their men. They don't take much flak off them. They roll their eyes. They give them the eye. But boys will be boys. They don't usually notice the eye. I do. I get it. Now they say things like - "I don't understand. She says it's my TONE!" Billy just nods his head in silent affirmation.
As for me. It's about stinkin' time. About the time my estrogen is gone a fresh supply has come into my house. Life is getting interesting again. My boys are finally getting what they have deserved - some refining. In all fairness to them - they are fighting it tooth and toenail. For far too long their inner man has been allowed to go free. But these girls are reining them in - gently, kindly and with love.
Reminds me of another inner man that left to itself was obnoxious, loud, and smelly. And then we choose Christ and He sends the Holy Spirit to live in us and change us from the inside out. Ever the perfect gentleman, He does so in love. Transforming our thought life, cleansing our heart, taming our tongue - resulting in a new creation. A new man (or woman) who puts others before himself, whose speech is wholesome and whose life is a testimony of what it means to be part of a family - far from perfect but perfectly loved.
I've shared with you before that our family has the mega-family reunion of all reunions. Started in 1969 by our MamMaw to find a way to keep her 10 children and 40+ grandchildren connected she would be delighted to know that even though we are down to only 4 of the original 10 - the reunions keep on coming! This year our theme was "You Ought to be in Pictures" and was complete with our infamous family picture backdrop consisting of the stars' walk of fame - all ten of the childrens' names in STARS. It was sweet and it was bittersweet. The first year without our Mom and our brother was RE-hospitalized for emergency back surgery. He had surgery the week before to repair a ruptured disc and developed excrutiating headaches. They discovered he had another bone fragment that had punctured the dura of his cord and it was leaking spinal fluid causing the mega headaches.
SO while we were celebrating family - very present with them - our brother was undergoing surgery 200 miles away and our hearts and minds were very much with him also!
We weren't the only ones experiencing the angst of wanting to be in two places at once. Many in our family were undergoing business/financial/relational/physical/personal problems and yet for a few hours on a Sunday in September we swept them aside and just celebrated the joy of belonging to one another. Such is the tension in the family of God. We are exhorted to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
This Sunday we took the time to share some memories. Believe it or not, we usually don't do that. We're so busy - eating, catching up, judging the dessert contest, helping the children 'do' the coloring contest, bidding at the silent auction and admiring the creativity of the year's theme that we don't really stop and remember 'why' and 'what' we are celebrating. Maybe it's because we lost my mom and we're down to less than half the brothers and sisters or maybe it's because the cousins are older - but we stopped this year and talked about things remembered. It was fun for my generation but I noticed the spouses and siblings left behind were crying.
We rejoiced over the sweetness of memories past and we wept for what was forever gone. And yet.....in the Lord nothing is lost. I couldn't help but think for Mother, her reunion on the other side is growing just as ours is shrinking.
The same is true for us on this side of the veil. For every tragedy and heartache we are currently experiencing there is a reward awaiting for those of us who persevere. As we hold tight to God, trust in His faithfulness, speak of His goodness and wait on His promises we don't have to weep over our loss but rather to rejoice in our gain.
So I hope today you will think back on your memories of God's faithfulness and ride out the current difficulties you are experiencing knowing that you know - He took care of you before and He will forevermore! He who promised is faithful!
It's just been a week but what a difference a little time can make. Last week we had a solid week of gray, overcast, gloomy, rainy, wet days! We knew we needed the rain but after a few days it affected our mood, our commute and our HAIR. Then one day the sun popped out, it began to dry things out, people quickly mowed their lawns and washed their cars and what do you know? The grass is greener, formerly dried up plants are sporting bright colored blooms again and the sun seems much friendlier and welcoming.
Today is my mother's first birthday in heaven! She's been gone from this earth for almost nine months. In my mind's eye I can see her laughing with her mother, dancing down streets of gold, teasing my Justin, in awe of the colors of the flowers and the fragrance of heaven whereas prior to her death she was losing her vision and her hearing, she could not walk and her arms were almost void of any range of motion. What a difference a little time can make!
There is no arguing that life is hard. But we would do well to take a lesson from nature. It takes storms to produce beauty and the storm is not the end. The storm is the means used to produce the beauty.
In our own lives we will have trouble. Jesus repeated that over and over again. But He also qualified it, "In this world you will have tribulation but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." It is an admonishment that in the midst of our trouble/pain/diagnosis/prognosis to look beyond the rain to the rainbow. To believe beyond what we see to the promise. God is clear when He promises us that "all things work together for our good." It is ours to trust.
So whether you are enjoying the sun or enduring the rain it is to our Father's glory that we jump in the puddles, turn our faces to the sky and know - the Son is coming!
I was thinking about the start of school this morning - more specifically about when I was in school. It was so much fun to buy our little plaid dresses and pinafores. Yes, plaid was definitely "in" in the 60's. We also had 'to die for' metal lunch boxes and I absolutely loved carrying my lunch box each morning to school - though to be honest it took about ONE lunch before the thing stunk to high heaven. It was so cute on the outside but the inside always smelled like metallic old cheese. And I don't know about you - but my thermos never made it past the first week. I ALWAYS broke the glass. GASP I just realized - we would NEVER let our children carry a glass thermos. Plaid, glass, metal and dresses - times have sure changed.
Yet for many of us adults fall also signals the time for the start-up of new Bible study. I hope you are preparing yourself for a new school year. I hope there is anticipation in your heart and that you are preparing your wardrobe for a new year. It's the time to scrub our hearts, sharpen our vision, listen more intently, clothe ourselves in His righteousness alone and put on the shoes of the gospel of peace.
In the Psalms we continually hear a psalmist telling us that God wants to give us a "new song." That's what a new school year signifies for us. A new beginning. An opportunity to hear a fresh word from God and to act on that word. But it begins just like my mother began my school year - with a little preparation.
If you are preparing to begin a Bible study prepare yourself. If you don't have a Bible study on your calendar, consider doing so. We are to be students of His word. He is found in the words of those ancient pages and He is fresh, contemporary, living and active. Within the setting of the study of His word we will find brothers and sister who are like-minded and will help us to grow into the men and women we were purposed to be.
Apart from study and fellowship we will become like my cute lunch box - good-looking on the outside and stinky on the inside. And let me tell you something - by the end of the school year the metal didn't contain the stink!
Here's to the aroma of Christ in you!!! Happy school year!
The Red Dog Saloon is located in Juneau, Alaska and it has a pretty interesting and scandalous reputation - as I'm sure you can imagine without my embellishment. This is the closest I dared to get - didn't even peek inside. But as I was going through my pictures and wondering what to blog about on this beautiful Monday morning I couldn't help but think that vacations are a little bit like the entrance to that saloon.
A vacation is intended to be a doorway to rest and recreation. A getaway. We certainly experienced that on our vacation. We went with my sister and her husband so we had the privilege of enjoying not only the time away in a beautiful place but also the fellowship of family. Double blessing.
Alaska is a place of rugged beauty - a far cry from the flatlands and heat of urban Dallas, Texas - which was a constant reminder to us of the creative majesty of God and His remarkable gift to mankind. He could have made the entire earth alike and yet He chose to give us diversity and contrast. Vacations are meant to give us a chance to experience new things and to recognize God's hand in providing enjoyment to our lives.
We went on a cruise - so we were pampered. It was wonderful to have someone else worry about the details of life that so occupy mankind. No yard to worry about. No beds to make or dishes to wash. Not one thought about what to cook - only where and what to eat. No deadlines. No alarm clocks, no internet and no cell phone. The things we thought we couldn't live without became distant in our thought processes.
And then along came MONDAY. Billy just left. He is returning to his world and I am left in mine. And if we aren't careful the rest of last week will turn to the drudgery of this one. Vacations are just that - vacations. A respite from the world - not a capitulation to it.
Just as that door to the Red Dog is a portal that must be opened to leave the safety of good reason and prudence; so the thought life is a doorway and we must carefully consider what we allow to enter our hearts and minds. Vacations are a privilege. A privilege that comes from work. Work is a gift. If ever we needed to be reminded of that it is today with rampant unemployment and so many we love struggling to make a living or find a job. And while it would be easy to hunker down and complain about coming back to the 'real' world, I must CHOOSE instead to be grateful for the rest. Grateful for the beauty. Grateful for the fellowship. Grateful for the opportunity. Grateful for safety. Grateful for a home to come back to. GRATEFUL.
Gratitude is the doorway to praise and praise is the home of God Himself. He INHABITS the praise of His people. While I didn't even open the door to the Red Dog, I have to admit I have pined for my cruise ship. But this morning in the beauty of the day and a husband off to provide a living, I choose to snap shut the door that leads to darkness and turn to the light of this bright new Monday. To turn my thoughts to the wonderful memories made, the wonderful sights that were seened and to tackle the things set before me with renewed vigor and joy.
I pray that your week is one of His rest - wherever you may be or whatever you put your hand to. Give thanks!
