Truthfully. Spring is difficult for me. Still. I don't like admitting that. Who would have thought that six years later, I would still be bipolar myself in my grief? It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I'm somehow failing God or my calling or even Justin. And yet.....it is my reality.
I swing from faith to sorrow so easily in the spring. I KNOW - and yet my reality is this place called earth where my heart has a gaping hole that only heaven will fill. Spring attests to the reality that following the bleakness of winter there is life and it is abundant and beautiful and crisp and clean. I LOVE that. And yet....it also reminds me of a doorbell one Monday morning and a life forever changed.
The thunderstorms threaten. They are loud. They are dramatic. They leave a mess. And then....there is beauty. For they have watered the earth. They have shaken the weak and dead limbs to prune the landscape. And I see that God is doing that in me.
I have learned that it is out of the darkness and out of the dead that true beauty comes. The seed in the dark soil. The baby from the womb. The sun from the night sky. And a living Savior from a cemetery tomb.
So I apologize for being quiet for a while. The one thing I don't want to do is leave a swath of destruction in my wake like our Texas storms sometimes do! So I go into my quiet place where the one Who bandages my heart, calms my anxious spirit and stills my soul meets with me and reminds me that all is well. That if He knows each sparrow that falls - how much more does He know and minister to me.
It is the morning after the resurrection and I am choosing to live like it is. The joy of Easter extending to the days after.....and after....and after. Until our faith is made sight.
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice for us. Thank you for defeating sin and death. Thank you for the promise that is ours because of YOU! Thank you that IN YOU all things are possible.
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